Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
