somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
