just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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