very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Let's get the cat blown out
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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