You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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