She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
