You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
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I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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