i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
