Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
When did angry sex become our thing?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
