I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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