I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
