Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just forgot I was standing up.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
