i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
