i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
