Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
