I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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