Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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