I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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