The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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