She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
