census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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