I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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