4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
