when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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