I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
