OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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