so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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