I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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