I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
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