One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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