Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
