just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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