I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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