she smelled like a LAN party
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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