so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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