This is not my ceiling
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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