I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
