Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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