Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
