He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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