I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
