apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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