I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I got inside last night via doggy door
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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