walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
