have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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