i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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