Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
