I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
