I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
