maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
