Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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