i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
