They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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