Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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