I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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