i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
